That cracked me up when I thought of it. Anyway, on to truths behind my creative writing.
1. Before I was married, I dropped a desk onto my left hand, but was saved by the presence of my engagement ring.
->True. While Em was not terribly interested in me getting her an engagement ring, I thought it only fair and fitting that we both be marked as 'set apart' in the interim before the wedding. Plus, I looked good in that ring.
2. I am descended from a long line of literary critics and philosophers. Also a pop art painter.
->False. Although Google pulls these guys up, I am not directly (or distantly) related to them. That I know of.
3. I was referred to on a recent library survey as "Old guy with earrings."
->True. sigh However, they also said I was very helpful and deserved a raise. Sweet!
4. In 9th grade, I ruined a vacuum cleaner with cigarette smoke.
->True. I tested the efficacy of cigarette filters by drawing cigarette smoke of different brands of filtered and non-filtered death sticks through coffee filters in a jerry-rigged funnel attached to the hose. From then on, the house smelled like a bar whenever Mom vacuumed.
5. I always went to bed on time while growing up.
->False. Night Owl. This guy.
6. I think beer is the milk of the gods.
->False. I think beer tastes like pee. Sick cat pee. But maybe I just haven't found my match.
7. My father drove my mother 90 miles south so that I could be born.
->True. We lived in a small Texas "town" of ~1500 folks. 90 miles south was reliable medical care. Ergo, I love road trips.
There she is, folks.
Fair and balanced. Right?
Ps. I wore the mustache to work on Monday. Interesting observations and some truth telling from my lovely wife.
4:07 PM me: turns out no one wants to be your friend when you have a mustache
4:08 PM Everyone is rude when they come to the desk
I guess the age of the mustache has passed us by
Em: it is because you look creepy